Summary
Maya has memorized every water stain on the ceiling and counted down from 100—all in an effort to fall asleep. She’s not sleeping. During her bout with insomnia, she pulls up a YouTube video—a clickbait title—but sure enough, Frank Bellamy walks into a diner with another young woman, and before the end of the video, that woman is dead.
The summer before Maya was to head off to college, her best friend Aubrey died right in front of Frank. Maya has always suspected that Frank did something to Aubrey—a perfectly healthy young woman doesn’t just drop dead, unexplainably. And after watching that video, Maya is even more convinced that Frank is involved in this unknown woman’s death at the diner, and in Aubrey’s death seven years ago.
While silently battling her own struggles, Maya takes some time away from her boyfriend Dan and her life back in Boston; she returns to her hometown to visit her mother and finally get some answers to all of her questions surrounding Frank.
When she met Frank at seventeen, he was the most intriguing man she’d known—chatting with her about Greek mythology and his time traveling through Guatemala; painting her vivid pictures of the ancient Mayan pyramids and Lake Atitlán. Frank was unlike the other boys she had liked, and every time they were together, she seemed to drift off into his world, completely forgetting about her own. But when Frank’s world started to feel off—started to feel uncomfortable—Maya knew there was more to him, and she didn’t want to stick around to find out what it was.
Now, seven years after her best friend’s death, with memories of Frank and his dad’s cabin rushing back to her, Maya is looking for answers in the blank spots of her memory.
Character Summary
In Pittsfield, Massachusetts, Maya Edwards wasn’t able to fully check any racial box. With her olive skin and dark hair, she was too ethnically ambiguous for the white kids and not ethnic enough for the Spanish kids. It wasn’t until she met Aubrey West in ninth grade that she jumped head-first into the deep end of life. In the “before Aubrey” part of Maya’s life, she kept her nose in a book and toed the line. After befriending Aubrey, Maya enjoyed the taste of freedom and the thrill of the unknown.
Aubrey sought out highs of all kinds—sometimes weed, sometimes LSD—either way, they were going to try it together. Where Maya excelled in school with As and Bs, Aubrey skated by on street smarts and instincts that Maya didn’t have. It wasn’t until Maya was preparing to leave for college, to meet new people and have new experiences, that it dawned on Aubrey that college might be attainable for her too. A lopsided friendship that probably wouldn’t have survived their college years—yet still, a friendship cut too short.
In the years since Aubrey’s death, Maya’s relationship with her mother, Brenda, has been strained. Brenda once went to Guatemala City on a mission trip—despite not truly believing in the mission of the organization that sent her there. While staying with her host family, she fell for their adult son, Jairo. After only a month, Jairo was killed, and it wasn’t until Brenda returned to Pittsfield that she found out she was pregnant.
Maya’s boyfriend of two and a half years, Dan, is currently a law student. They’ve just moved in together. Dan is full of ambition, has goals, and has a plan to achieve them. He comes from a well-to-do family in Amherst who, by all accounts, give off subtle racism—the “I have Black friends” kind of racists.
My Thoughts
I think this book is meant to hypnotize you into thinking it’s a good book. IYKYK.
The whole time I was reading, I just knew it was going in another direction. Then I was hoping it was going in another direction. And by the end I was like… WTF did I just read? All of that! All of that for… that? Oh brother, this stinks.
For starters, Maya is not a likable character, and everything surrounding her and the other characters is one big miscommunication trope. She lies by omission to her boyfriend—when she has no real reason to. Other than them both being messy (i.e., their bedroom), he isn’t written as a bad guy. Despite his family’s microaggressions, he seems pretty decent. So why not be honest with him? Also, it’s been almost three years—how has he not noticed she has a problem? For someone studying to be a lawyer, he isn’t very observant.
Ok, boom. So then she’s back in Pittsfield, still being elusive and secretive with her mother. And yes, at some point, there is a flow of honesty between her and her mother regarding Frank and what happened with Aubrey. However, they never really talk about the root of their issues—which I don’t think stem from Aubrey’s death. Her mother clearly omitted a very large portion of Maya’s life and heritage by keeping her from Guatemala City and instilling fear about going or staying there. Even when Maya’s grandmother died, Brenda had to be given an ultimatum just to take her to the funeral! Yes, crime happens everywhere, but geez—let the girl learn about her roots and culture, white lady!
On to Frank and his cabin in the woods. It seems that Maya was so quick to let Frank infiltrate her life because she just wanted someone to want her—to desire her. By her own account, Aubrey was the prettier friend, and Maya often settled for the friends of guys who were really interested in Aubrey. Maya had no business hanging with Frank, and Brenda didn’t poke or pry enough into her daughter’s activities for me. Yeah, she was seventeen, but still… who is that young man? Who are his people? What is he about? Something!
Bright side—the writing was concise. Chapters were to the point. The pacing was good; I was flipping pages, and before I knew it, five hours had passed and I was done. But as far as the content, the storytelling, the plot—it could have been better, in my opinion.
Final Verdict
I wanted more from this mystery. In the end, I closed out of this book very indifferent about the subject matter. There’s no thrill, no mystique, no thought-provoking subjects or scenes—just a troubled young woman who needs the best board-certified, award-winning psychiatrist her money can buy.
whitneydaniell 
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